Part Three: The Experience

My top two fear projects were Samantha George and Matt Eaton. These both stood out to me for similar reasons, I could relate to them on a personal level.

Samantha discussed the fact that she’s never been in a relationship, neither have I. I have experienced the opposite sex just not in a full blown relationship. I think the more time that passes the harder it is to get in one. But I do agree with her in the way that she feels like she’s missing out and missing experiences which in turn could affect creativity especially from my stand point since experiences mold my personal creativity.

Matt’s fear was being judged by people. He said one thing in particular, that he takes on different “alter egos” if you will, to adjust to people he meets so they will like him. It honestly really does take some real will power to completely be yourself around others or in social situations. I’ve grown so much in the past year or so and really come to realize, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I also really liked what he said about there’s so much pressure on society to be an outgoing, talkative person. This really resonates with me in the fact that I don’t really like talking all that much. I’m more of an observer so it definitely feels like I’m on the outs when it comes to social situations and it overall affects my place in the world. It absolutely urks me when someone calls me “shy.” Shy has nothing to do with it. It’s called there are people on this planet that just don’t like talking and are action oriented people. I’m not a charasmatic person so I try to keep my mouth shut.

I wish I could have expanded on my own project more but I think nerves and fear hindered the full experience. When Matt was talking he was very nervous and anxious so it made me look at my project and think sheesh it’s not like everyone wasn’t nervous I could have rolled out a smooth project and not gave any fucks about what “might” happen. It’s about getting someone to relate to you cause you never know what impact you could have on someone just by sharing your world.

Part Two: Observed Reaction

I think too much. Ideally, I wouldn’t have flubbed the speech part of my experiment. I can’t exactly pinpoint what happens psychologically but it’s like I’m slowly going into a coma when I’m talking. My brain can’t collect all the thoughts. My nerves got the best of me once again even though I was determined not to let them. I think this prevented me from getting the maximum results I was looking for. I wanted to get some more feedback and the emotions everyone was feeling while they had the cup in hand and eyes closed. So basically the changes I’d like to make are to stop letting myself get too fixated on the “unknown,” and let my project go with the flow. I think my project went over quite well, so I was the only one standing in my way. I really think the presenter deals a lot with the kind of reaction you get. I think I was mundane and boring but if I could have presented how I did it in my head with more power and enthusiasm I think I could have gotten a bigger class reaction.

Maya gave me the reaction I hypothesized since she tends to be an over dramatic ball of nerves. Some people called out what they hoped it to be or not to be before I even asked so my experiment did what I wanted it to, to rile up nerves and get people to imagine what I had handed them. I know you (Beth) thought it was a cup of bugs which was perfect because I wanted it to be completely a surprise once it hit your mouth. And I chose Pop Rocks specifically because of that extra sensory experience of it crackling in your mouth. I wanted that added unknown feature to my experiment so Pop Rocks were perfect. It was also really neat to hear 20 people take a shot of the candy and have it crackle all at once.

One classmate actually messaged me on Facebook a couple days after presenting and complimented my project saying it was their favorite, so I’m pretty proud of the idea I came up with and how it turned out.

Class Take Away #10

Okay so for the most part I loved “What the Bleep Do We Know!?” It’s similar to the documentary “The Secret” which I also loved. They both talk about how YOU make your reality and how your thoughts do more than you think. I find this stuff to be incredibly intriguing. I’m very much into psychology and behavior and that sort of thing. In fact, when I first started college I highly considered majoring or minoring in psychology. I absolutely believe in this stuff. Maybe it’s just the feeling and sense of hope it gives me listening to it that I’m in love with. If you think about it, it’s the people that are persistent, dedicated, and passionate about what they want that eventually get to it. You get the things you think about night and day and have a strong desire for. You attract things with the energy you put out. I strongly believe you make your own reality. The hard part about this is, you don’t know WHEN it’s going to happen so if it doesn’t manifest right away you second guess and start to believe this stuff is never going to work thus creating negative energy which is not helping your status. I’ve really been focusing on things that I want lately, envisioning them, feeling how I would feel if I had them, or seeing them happen in my mind. I think what they said in the video is right about how people can’t focus on something long enough or you’re constantly degrading yourself saying things like she would never be into me, I’m not good enough, I hate myself, and so on. There is truth to the saying “never say never” I feel like that really stems from what these videos are saying. Even if you think this stuff is a load of shit, still why would you not fantasize and live in the happy amazing world you create in your head. However we observe the world around us is what comes back to us. The one guy said the reason why his life was lacking in happiness, joy, and fulfillment is because his focus was lacking in those areas. Your mind is playing victim and you are accepting that the misfortunes are what life is. It’s very true that once you do create things in your head and as you’re going throughout the day and see little things happen you start to believe that you truly can control what happens. You build that “neuro net” inside your head as they explained in the video. I’m actually more interested in quantum physics now after seeing this. I love this way of thinking and what it could bring.

Fear Experiment Part One: Reaction

I’ve been racking my brain from hell and back to come up with a kickass experiment. Ideally, I’d like to go for a shock value reaction, something to blow them away. I don’t think my reactions will be on that level, but what I’ve come up with will probably get anxiety type reactions. I think everyone will have a heart full of “what’s going to happen.”

Class Take Away #9

I am so stressed and drained from school and everything happening in my life I can barely remember what happened Monday, period. I’m sitting here trying to remember what I even wore… We talked about our personal visions and how we can manifest them by staying positive but it’s so hard to do. They say it take more muscles to frown than to smile but why is it so easy to be negative. Your mind automatically wants to fall back on the negative when there isn’t much use. If you just thought about, wow tomorrow is going to be so great instead of horribly wrong, you have better odds of it truly being great. And hey if it’s not, oh well your mind HAS to think about something so why not fantasize. You just have to be psychologically aware of yourself and not let these wild expectations let you down if they don’t pan out the way you wanted. Acceptance is the key to be truly free.

I’ve been battling the positive/negative thing a lot lately. I think fear is manifesting my negative thoughts and shoving out the positive ones. Honestly, if i didn’t have music I would be dead in a ditch somewhere, so music is my positive light in the darkness of my head.

The one thing that I do remember from class is talking about Plato’s Cave Theory. It’s about the one questioner, the one that steps out of the comfort zone and does his/her own thing. Most people are content with their familiar, comfortable lifestyle. I am not one of those people. I want to do and be so many things. Just going to make lots of noise and follow my arrow.

Vision Board

My vision board is pretty basic. I have tacks in the upper left corner in the shape of an arrow pointing to a dollar bill that I drew extra zeros on to put my thirst for money out into the universe. Around that I have a couple places I would like to work here in Indianapolis to make more money since my job right now is underpaying me. I have a picture of “best friends” together to represent my desire to have a best friend, supporter, a rock, someone to get fucking wild with. Just one person. That’s all I need. Next to that picture I have a silhouette of someone holding a heart to represent my “crush” slash person I can visualize as being that best friend I mentioned above. This person exists very loosely in my life right now and the law of attraction is bringing me closer to my dream best friend.

I’ve also printed some words like confident, fearless, motivation, and extrovert and clumped them together. These are things I strive to be. In the middle I have the word light and underneath a picture representing light and happiness to me. Yes the woman in the picture is Katy Perry posing for her new record that just came out called Prism. It’s all about “letting the light in.” Knowing miss Perry to the extent I do, she inspires the fuck out of me and she’s such a strong woman. It’s really empowering to see what she does. The light also represents the sun and the type of environment I want to be in. Underneath that I have a photo taken from behind the Hollywood sign in California. It represents being there and having success. Instead of taking a picture that is looking up to it and wishing, I have a strong photo overlooking California.

In the top right I have a dance cluster. My ultimate dream would be to dance on tour with an artist. It would combine traveling, dancing, music, and people I love.

Below that I have a music cluster. I really want to be in and around music. Whether I’m producing it or even working at a record label, I just want to be surrounded by music.

vision board

Class Take Away #8

This is kind of crazy because the past couple of months I’ve been really in tune with “the law of attraction” and planned on making a vision board. I have always looked at pictures and things and envisioned what I want but just recently I was introduced to the law of attraction and positive thoughts and found that it does work and is a very valuable secret to have.

I’ve been thinking about this one particular person for the past 8 months and just in October something I’ve been waiting for happened with them and it was the best feeling ever. And after reading the “throw away your vision board” article, talking about an action board, I definitely meshed the two together. I haven’t been sitting around waiting for this person. I took action more than once and it’s paid off along with positive constant thoughts throughout the day.

I love the idea of a vision board. I mean, what can it possibly hurt? Who gives a fuck. I’m going to think about the things I want regardless so why not have one.

I also wanted to say that this class is the only class I’m okay with running the full 2 hours and 40 minutes. To me it’s a relevant class that I’m actually getting something out of and I’m not just trying to teach myself things and wasting time. It’s a neat knitting circle full of a sense of therapy and creative juices. I like having people in class I can talk to. Maya is great to whisper thoughts to and bounce off of. I love the feedback we get in class as well. …I don’t know, I just love the class. It’s chill and I’m not overly stressed so thank you!

The bliss assignment I thought everyone mostly had pretty basic “what ifs.” I didn’t really discuss any of my crazy ones so I kind of fall in that category. I liked what, I believe her name is Brittany, said. She had very interesting what ifs. The one about being able to project what you’re seeing in your head would be fucking amazetitz because I always have these visions but I rarely can ever execute them that way. I think I like this class so much because it’s more of a discussion than a lecture and you’re not just talking at us spitting out standards we need, etc.